A Thermonuclear Device for the Weekend Anarchist

This is just a link to an goofy article that I wrote a lifetime ago and was published on Compuserve and by extension the internet in 1990.

A Thermonuclear Device for the Weekend Anarchist

Since then it has been republished extensively and (amazingly) is still credited to me.

I wrote the article for a creative writing class in college. The assignment was to document step-by-step a process in an engaging manner. Someone wrote about making cupcakes, another about changing oil. As you know (if you know me) I'm a bit "different." Regardless of the fact that this process is bogus and will only kill the person trying to execute it at at least three points in the process; it got an A+++. To this day I believe that  I got that grade because I scared the hell out of my liberal artsy associate professor.

Psychological Warfare 101

AKA: How to get your kids to be good and make them think it's their idea.

I has a tube of heavy casino weight poker chips on the dining room table. My seven year old daughter asked me what they were.
I explained that they were used to represent a value and that they could have any value you assigned as long as everyone agrees on the value.
I said, "This token can be worth one dollar, five dollars or could even be a 'get out of time-out' token."
Maddie's eyes lit up.

We established some rules.

• You can only earn a token by doing something extraordinary. Just being good isn't enough.
• You must keep them in your room.
• To cash it in you must go to your room and calm down. Once calm you can bring it to me and cash it in.
• You can trade them with your siblings for goods or favors. (Be careful of your scamming siblings)

So far they are working well. In two days the kids each earned two tokens and each of them had only one time out. Apparently they want to collect the tokens.

On the first night I told the kids, time for bed. Maddie (my seven year old) disappeared  She went upstairs. Got in her pajamas. Brushed her teeth. Put toothpaste on her brother's toothbrush. Picked out a book and was waiting for me to read. She even gave up her spot to let her brother have it when we read that night. She got a token.

The next morning, my five year old let me wash his hair with absolutely no fuss. It's usually a battle. He got a token. He also got told that I now know that he can be good when I wash his hair, so that won't work again.

I've been doing this for a couple weeks now and my seven year old is doing things like cleaning her room spontaneously, and folding her own laundry. It's magic!

A Lego CD gift box

My youngest was turning six and all he wanted for his birthday was Super Mario Bros (Wii). I decided to wrap it in a rather unique way. I went to the brick wall at the Lego store intending to fill a large brick bucket with equal parts red, white and green bricks. Unfortunately they did not have a very good selection of white bricks. They had all the 1x3's I could carry and nothing else. So, I went light on the white and got more of the red and green. You will need an assortment of sizes. 1x4's and 1x2's make up most of it. You'll need some 1x1 and 1x2 pieces as well to fill gaps and increase strength.

Three 4x6 plates

Add a row of bricks making sure you lock all of the base plates together.

Keep adding rows overlapping seams whenever possible for strength.

Here's where I tested for fit. I was quite happy.

When I got to the point where it was just past the top of the CD case, I had 1 row more of the green than of the red, so I pulled the bottom off and added another row of red.

Finally capped it off with more base plates.

It was a very unique and fun wrapping job. He was fooled and upset that all I got him was some plain old Lego bricks. I had to coerce him into taking it apart. When he saw the game inside he flipped.

Clean a Cast Iron Skillet Without Water

This is quick and simple. I don't know where I learned this trick, but it works so well I had to share it. It makes cleaning and treating your cast iron cookware simple without risking rust or removing the seasoning from the pan.

I start by wiping the big chunks out of the pan by hand. Then I use a board scraper (or a putty knife (I keep one with my camping gear just for this purpose)) to scrape the cooked on gunk out of the bottom and level the surface.

Then I pour about one tablespoon of kosher salt into the center of the pan. It acts as an abrasive.

I then dump some cooking oil into the salt, about one tablespoon. This is the lubricant that the abrasive (salt) moves around in.

The next step is to, using 3 or 4 paper towels (one at a time) go in circles around the pan from the center to the outside, rubbing hard on the bottom of the pan loosening the fried on gunk. Repeat as needed (usually takes 3 to 4 times) removing some of the salt each time.

Finally wipe the last of the salt out of the pan. Then use that lightly oiled paper tower to wipe down the outside of the pan to treat it as well.

You will be left with a perfectly coated cooking surface ready for use or storage. If you happen to miss some of the salt, that's no problem unless you are storing the cookware for 3 or more months.

Kegging 101

I wrote an overview of kegging for Dave. Here's a link.

Building a batbox for the zoo

I volunteer at the Brandywine Zoo and I was asked to build a batbox for an Earth Day project. I never got around to writing a blog entry for it.

After a great deal of research, I designed a small bachelor batbox for display. This is probably the smallest batbox you can build with any hope to have it lived in.

Putting up a bat roosting box can help replace lost or degraded habitat that has been contributing to the decline of bat populations throughout North America. 

Bat boxes located near a permanent source of water, especially a marsh, lake or river, are the most likely to attract bats. Bat houses should be hung roughly twelve to fifteen feet above the ground, sheltered as much as possible from the wind. Don't be discouraged if conditions for your bat house are not perfect. Even natural roosts are seldom ideal.

Bats sometimes move into newly erected bat boxes within hours, but more often, bats may not take up residence for as much as one to two years. If your bat box is not occupied by the end of the second year, try moving it to a warmer or cooler location. One trick recommended is to acquire bat guano and treat the landing area of the box with it to mask the unnatural odors from construction (paint, caulk, the wood itself).

Design

Outside dimensions of boxes should be about 1.5 feet tall and at least 12 inches wide with a 3-6”is landing area.

Roost partitions should be ¾” to 1”.

Ventilation slots should be ¼” to ½”

Construction

Half inch exterior grade plywood is best for fronts, backs and roofs, and roosting partitions.

1” board lumber is best for sides.

Prior to painting all seams should be caulked with latex caulk that remains flexible over time.

Paint exterior surfaces with two coats of exterior latex paint (dark brown, dark gray or dark green is best for Mid-Atlantic states).

Sun Exposure

Boxes should receive at least 6-7 hours of direct sun and be oriented southeast or southwest.

Easy 2’ x 2’ x ½” exterior grade (not pressure treated) plywood bat box cutting diagram.

Here's the layout on a 2' x 2' sheet of untreated plywood

Some detail of the measurements.

Marking grooves on the inside back of the box. These are for the bats to hold on to.

Cutting the grooves in to the board. I set the saw to less than 1/4". Cutting straight lines was NOT easy. The bats won't care and they are on the inside of the box where they can't be seen.

Edge on view of the grooves.

Applying caulk to hold the side spacers. The longer ones go down first. The shorter ones get caulked on top of the longer ones.

After stacking the front on top of the shorter strips, on top of the longer strips, on top of the back, nail the layers together from both front and back, with caulk in between each of the layers. After the caulk dries, Bevel the edge on a belt sander, planer or with a circular saw set to a 45 Degree angle.

I then attached the roof using caulk and the same finishing nails I used to attach the front and back.

A whole lotta making going unblogged.

Yes, I've gotten lazy. I will go back and see what projects from this year that I have pictures of and blog them. For today, I have one to add. How to clean a cast iron pan and I found a half finished entry on how to build a bachelor batbox. I'll see if I can finish that one as well.

Cheers!

Maddie makes a pillow

Maddie used the sewing machine for the first time. She made a pillow. We bought a fat quarter at Jo-Ann fabric. Maddie and I folded it in half and pinned it around the edge. I marked a spot for her to stop sewing.

I helped her turn the corners, but she was a champ with the sewing machine!

 She did most of the stitching herself. I knotted it off at the end.

A VERY proud little maker.

Thermostat and spark plug replacement

The 2003 Saturn Vue was designed by a team of people with a sadistic streak. If I ever get a time machine, the first thing I will do is go back to when they were designing this engine and walk into their office and smack every single one of them in the back of the head as hard as I can while shouting, "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!!!"

To start I removed this air baffle thing.

The next thing I have to remove (now remember, I'm changing sparkplugs and a thermostat, not a piston.) is the upper intake manifold.

There are 5 bolts holding on the upper intake manifold. These bolts are recessed 6 1/2 inches into the manifold. Yes, 6 1/2 inches.

Once that is "out of the way," a project that requires the removal of 11 electrical plugs, the gas line (which requires a special tool, so I figured out a way to NOT remove it) and at least another 14 bolts, you get this view of the corner of the lower intake manifold sitting on top of the thermostat. Oh, did I mention, nowhere did it say that the lover manifold needed removal.

At this point I gave up in disgust and switched to just changing the spark plugs. You see that way, way, way down there? That's the spark plug.

There are two wrenches in this picture. The puny one with the 6 inch extension I used to remove the upper intake manifold and the BIG one with over 14 inches of extension I needed to reach down and get to the spark plugs.

This is the upper intake manifold being held out of the way while I remove and replace the rear set of spark plugs entirely by feel. Also I don't have a picture of the lower intake manifold, because my camera doesn't work in the deep, dark recesses of hell.

After removing the lower intake manifold (and knocking a bunch of debris into the recess where the valves are (whatever the hell you call that)) I brought it inside and scrubbed away the build up of gunk. I was also quite glad the you could only get a gasket kit with all of the gaskets, (top and bottom) for the lower intake manifold. I removed and replaced them all.

FINALLY, after bring the shop-vac out and vacuuming the debris out of the nooks and crannies of the engine, I got the thermostat out of the car. only to find it was different. Now I wanted to go and smack someone at Rock Auto in the back of the head.

But, being The Maker and Fixer of Things, I was not going to be stopped by something as simple as not enough metal on the thermostat. I went rooting around in the back of the car and found a bunch of washers and a nut that was the right size and thread for the bolt to act as a gap filler. Yes, all of the bits that I used were in the car. I know, I know, creepy!

FINISHED! Time for a beer!

I won't bother you with the drama of the reassembly of the engine. As usual, I had labelled everything as it came out and it all went back in without trouble. Total elapsed time a little over 8 hours. 

After scrubbing several times, my hands were still looking like they belonged to a character from a Tim Burton movie!

National Sticky Bun Day!

It's that time of the year again! This year, National Sticky Bun Day converged with Fat Tuesday. While I was tempted to stick a plastic baby in one of the cinnamon rolls, I resisted.

Rather than spend hours redocumenting the process, Here's what I did: (from last year)

http://makerandfixerofthings.blogspot.com/2011/02/cinnamon-rolls-feb-21-is-national.html

Been a while!

Just because I haven't been posting, doesn't mean I having been Making, fixing, building or creating. I've just been lazy about updating. I will try to do better!

I have a couple of projects coming up in the next couple of weeks and I plan on posting my pizza making schema. It's a combination of a recipe and a process and a whole lot of tweaking!

It's January, so I won't be brewing much. I'll start up again in full swing in March. My goal is 25 batches again this year. I missed that goal last year. I only got to batch 23.

Projects on deck are:

1. Camera interval timer (arduino)
2. Curtains for the Dining room and the kids rooms.
3. Finishing building my new Ubuntu main computer.

It's not all glamorous, but it's all making!